Meds Update

Well, I didn't weigh in last week because I didn't want to see the damage.  I wrote a bit ago about starting on some anti-anxiety medication which killed my appetite and was the reason for three solid weeks of 2+lb losses.  I loved it!  However, this medication also dropped my already low blood pressure level and I couldn't get out of bed without passing out.  A day of bed rest, lots of fluids, and stopping that medication ASAP was their cure.  Well, my appetite came raging back and I was also dealing with the emotional shift from the abrubt stopping of the medication.  It has not been pretty. 

They started me up on a new medication and I know that this is a terrible thing to say, but I was hoping I would have some appetite loss like I did with the other medication to get my weigh-ins back on track.  Can't believe I said that out loud, because that is totally not the reason I was taking the meds, but it was a fun side effect (until I stopped and it came right back so I KNOW it is not a good thing).  I'm working on getting in exercise and busying myself with projects around the house when I'm home from work so I don't stuff my face, and I'm hoping that this new medication will help with the anxiety without knocking me out again.

I don't really want to weigh in on Friday because I loved seeing those numbers go down but maybe it will motivate me.  It was SO nice to see a number in the 150s!

Third place!

In December I was up really late, catching up on my Reader and watching trashy TV because I couldn't sleep.  I ended up reading a just posted post on Charlotte's The Great Fitness Experiment about online personal training in January with Lindsey from Lean Bodies Health and Fitness.  The first 30 readers to send Lindsey an email would get one month of online personal training from Lindsey and I was one of them!  Things like this rarely happen when you live on the West Coast because I'm usually sawing logs while East Coasters are catching up on blogs with their coffee and breakfast.

In the end of December (but before the holidays, unfortunately for me) I submitted measurements, pictures, and info to Lindsey about my fitness goals.  She then created this awesome workout plan that included strength training, HIIT, and constant cardio.  We were to track our workouts and report back each week.  There was also a Biggest Loser component that everyone could participate in, based on percentage of weight loss weekly and overall for the month.

The beginning of January came and I had gained a few pounds through lots of emotional eating and did not feel great about it.  I updated my first weigh-in weight to reflect this and felt like crud admitting the pounds I gained over the holidays - hey, I hate being a cliche!  The first part of the month was a struggle as I dealt with job changes, taking classes part time online, and other general family/friend stress that always comes along.  I let Lindsey know that while I was committed to working out and eating healthy for my personal goals I could not commit to the time that the tracking and planning of the workouts was taking.  Some days all I could fit in was 30 min on the stationary bike in the garage, and I would stress because I didn't do the planned exercise I was supposed to.  Lindsey was so understanding, and let me know I could still be part of the Biggest Loser challenge.

By the end of January I was going full steam ahead with eating right and getting in exercise.  I was craving the good for me foods and was able to easily resist the not as good for me foods.  Finally, the scale started cooperating, once I stopped emotionally eating.

I submitted my final weigh in for the month and a few days later got the email with the winners of the Biggest Loser contest.  I won third place!!  I couldn't believe it, but apparently I lost 4.9%!  My prize arrived a few days ago:

A Bandzz!  While I haven't tried it out yet, and I'm still not 100% sure how it stays like that on your pants I think it is fun and the zebra pattern is funky.   Now if only wearing the Bandzz made my abs look like that...

 A Small World Beauty protein bar, in coconut coco cream!  I loooove coconut so I am excited to try this out!

The best part of the prize was winning another month of online training with Lindsey!  I'm not going to start that this month but once my schedule calms down a bit and I can give it 100% I'll start working with Lindsey again.  I can't wait!

It's a team effort

A couple of great things have happened this week!

1.  I got new running shoes!  I was fitted and found these beauties which have made all the difference in the world:

 

I love them!  The day after I picked them up I ran two miles on the treadmill.  TWO MILES!!  I need to name them, I love them so much.  I never would have been able to imagine running one mile and now I'm up to two.   It's just incredible to me!

2.  I added my husband onto my gym membership and we went together last night.  It was really nice to have a gym buddy!  We did cardio separately and then did strength training together somewhat.  It is great that he's getting into fitness as well and that we can go together now.  I felt bad leaving to go to the gym instead of spending the evening with him the past few weeks.  

3.  The scale is going in the right direction, finally!

Potato Soup

I made dinner yesterday from scratch! 

Let me tell you, I am no chef.  I'm not even a cook and I'm barely a baker, but I want to be.  Only very recently have I started yearing to cook more and I've gotten that high from creating something delicious.  Friends would tell me they love to cook, that it soothes them, makes them happy, and I never got it.  Cooking stressed me out.  I would get super scientific, needing the exact measurements and ingredients and if I couldn't follow the directions exactly I wouldn't do it for fear of ruining the food and wasting my time.  Over time my fabulous husband has tried to help me out and loosen me up in the kitchen, showing me that it doesn't need to be exact (except in baking a lot of the time) and it will still turn out yummy.  If it isn't yummy, you can tweak and fix to make it at least edible the majority of the time.

I'm still not confident, but I'm learning and making an effort.  Last night, right before I left work, I was going through my Google Reader and found this recipe from Angela at Oh She Glows.  I thought about the recipe all the way home and kept going back and forth in my head about whether or not I should try to make it.  By the time I got home and was pretty hungry I had worked up the courage to make the attempt.  With my husband in the other room, I followed the recipe as best I could and improvised where I needed/wanted to (I only had chicken broth, not vegetable; I didn't have rosemary so I used something else in our spice cabinet that I don't remember now; I wasn't in the mood to add nut butter; and I didn't have nutritional yeast).  It didn't turn out perfectly at first, but I was able to fix it and I think it turned out wonderfully!  My husband wasn't a huge fan which means I was able to bring leftovers to work today and continue to be proud of myself.  Baby steps, right?

In other news, it is Friday, which is my weigh-in day.  I slept in gym clothes last night because I had to go in early today if I wanted to work out before work, which meant I didn't take them off to weigh in this morning.  I was on the treadmill for 45 min working on building my running endurance by loosely following C25K.  Afterward, I was in the locker room and it was empty so I weighed myself on the doctor's office looking scale with my gym clothes on.  I didn't particularly like the number and I knew that the clothes were adding some weight so after I showered I snuck over to the scale again and noticed that the locker room (and gym) was still totally empty so I took a big risk and jumped on the scale, sans towel, to get an "accurate reading!"  I was so nervous someone was going to come in that I was on and off in a matter of seconds but I think I can record 165.5 for this week.  I'm not going to beat myself up for such a small loss, actually I am going to do the opposite.  I ate crap Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon nights before I finally snapped myself out of the funk, pulled myself up and decided to get help.  I'm just starting The Beck Diet Solution that I picked up at the library on Tues and I have started working toward processing and overcoming the anxiety and stress that is ruling my life.  I'd say losing .5lbs is an accomplishment!

(Note to self: Long posts need pictures!  All posts need pictures!)

Here comes the sun...

A pretty comical title if you ask me, considering we're having "the storm of the year" right now and I can feel the windows in the house shaking from the wind.

Regardless, my butt is leaving for the gym in 15 minutes and I am going to kick some butt (mine, of course!).  I've started off with 1/2 banana and some PB and I'm bringing oatmeal with raisins, dates, walnuts and soymilk to work to heat up after.  I also packed some soup and a mini pack of pita chip samples, a pear, and another banana for work.

I made an appointment yesterday with Kaiser psychiatry yesterday after picking up The Beck Diet from the library.  This was a big step for me, but my husband had been commenting that my anxiety has been getting higher and higher as the months go on and my outlook on life has become more and more negative, which is not what I want for myself or my family.  I spoke with the woman there about everything and she feels I could benefit from anti-anxiety medication, in addition to a group class that helps people work through and manage stress and anxiety.   I have another appointment tomorrow to work out all the details, but I have two fears regarding the medication (which I will discuss with them at that time):

1)  Dependency - I have a history of substance abuse in my family, which I know ups my likelihood of having an issue myself.  Although  I have not had an issue with drugs/alcohol/pills before I worry that the medication will really work and I will become someone else while on it and not be able to be "me" anymore. 
2)  Weight gain - for obvious reasons!  The woman yesterday said she does not think I will since I have already been working on a healthy lifestyle for some time and I am overeating/eating junk when I am unable to cope with my anxiety/stress so hopefully it should help with that.  I'm going to ask about it anyway though tomorrow.

I know that medication can be a tricky topic and I am not sure that this will even work for me, but I am willing to give it a try as everything else I have tried has not adequately reduced my anxiety (breathing techniques, exercise, thought exercises on my own, etc).   I hope that the combination of the medication and the classes will really make a difference in my life and I can get back to "normal" again, whatever that is :)

I need to admit I have a problem

I have a problem.

Now, fixing the problem is the hard part.  I have a problem with emotional eating and it seems to be getting worse, or maybe I'm more aware of it.  I have lost 40lbs and while I have been maintaining that (miraculously considering my up and down eating) the way I deal with my issues and food is not healthy.

When I'm stressed, I eat.  When I'm bored, I eat.  When I go out with the girls, I eat.  I have been having a serious sweet and salty and carby tooth lately too, so it's not like I'm cramming my face with fruits and veggies.  I seem to go up and down, half the week I listen to the angel on my shoulder and half the week I listen to the devil.

I really need to address this ASAP because although I've lost weight, this is about my health and this is not something I should be putting my body through.

I'm heading off to the library to get some books.  I've been reading about a lot of people who are reading the Becks book so I'll try to find that and others that focus on overcoming emotional eating.

166.0

Ok, I'm not gonna lie.  I am not happy about my weigh-in this morning.  I stayed below my calorie range and worked out and I still saw a gain.  I'll have to look on my computer at home, but I think I was at 165.something last Friday.

I know, I know, I know, I didn't gain that weight.  I weighed myself during the week and I was at 164.4, I was just looking for a little boost and I definitely did not get it.

I have a few theories...

1) I wasn't eating enough.  Crazy, but I think that I'm not doing so well with my calories.  I barely make it to 1200 most days when Daily Plate is recommending 1350 and I've been working out.  I feel satisfied and I don't go to bed hungry, but I plan out my day so I will have room to eat a nice sized dinner and then I usually end up coming in way under my recommended calories.  I know the solution would be to eat more during the day, but I am always worried that I'll feel deprived at night.

2) Water intake.  I have not been as good about drinking water as I have been in the past.  I really need to be consistent with my water and I love it, so I don't know why I've been slacking lately.

I'll just keep chugging along, keeping up with the exercise, water, and eating healthy food, just a little more than that, I guess.

I'm back, for real this time!

I quit for a bit.  Over the holidays I just quit.  I was lazy, I ate whatever I wanted (and then some) and I felt like crap.  I had no motivation and my mood was souring as each day went on.  I didn't want to blog or write about my feelings because I did not want to address them. 

Finally, I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and started working out and eating healthy again and I feel 100 million times better.  I have been back to the lifestyle I want for a little over a week now and my mood has improved and my outlook is brighter.  I want to be a healthy, active, happy person.  Weight loss will be an added bonus, but I really need to address the issues in my life that stress me out and why I turn to food and laziness to cope with those feelings.  Being skinny won't make me feel better, but exercise and eating right obviously do. 

I received Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones for Christmas and I tried it out for the first time on Saturday morning.  I only made it through 75% of the DVD but I was SORE!  J and I have decided to have a Sunday morning tradition of going on this 2 mile hike with our dog before work and I completely forgot about that as I let Jillian kick my butt.  The actual hike felt great but afterwards at work on Sunday and all day Monday I could barely walk.  Seriously, I just hobbled around very slowly and had to raise and lower myself with my arms.  Slight exercise fail, but it was funny because all day Monday I could feel my body itching to exercise even though I had almost zero mobility.  My body likes it!

I am going to try and structure my workouts for the week so that I don't run in to this problem again.  Right now I am thinking:

Mon- Cardio DVD at home
Tues- Step + Sculpt class @ gym
Weds- Cardio at gym before work
Thurs- Strength Training DVD at home
Fri- Cardio DVD at home
Sat- rest day
Sun- 2 mile hike

In regards to my eating I am focusing on eating lots of fruits and veggies and trying to stay away from processed and artificial food when possible.  I have not been entering my food into The Daily Plate but I have been counting calories in my head and keeping within the range they have suggested for me.  I am working on intuitively eating, eating because of hunger not emotions.

As for my weight, I am committing myself to only weighing in on Fridays.  I do not want to be attached to the scale and I will not let the number dictate my outlook on the day.

I feel refreshed and ready to start my healthy lifestyle!