Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Emotional eating

I don't want to say that losing weight is easy, but for me it seems to be more of a mind struggle than body struggle.

When I eat right, keep my calories in a healthy range and work in some exercise, I have been successful at losing weight. I know it works. I just have to be disciplined and stick with it.

So what's the problem? I have a very big emotional eating issue. When I'm stressed, I crave high calorie, low nutrition foods. I crave salty and sweet, sugary and savory, all at once. If I give in, I stuff my face until my stomach hurts and I get a momentary high that fades away quickly and I'm left feeling like crap. I have also used food as a reward, and of course I celebrate with food. Food, food, food.

The first 3 1/2 months I did really, really well keeping my emotional eating under control. Any time I was hungry I would ask myself if I was really hungry and if I was, I would eat. If I wanted to eat because I was stressed/bored/etc I would drink water and try to occupy my mind with something else. It worked! I thought I was cured... boy, was I wrong.

In the past month I have given in to my emotional eating and let it take control of me. As I was stuffing stuff in my mouth I would remark to my husband that I was emotional eating and didn't give a crap. Bad, bad, bad, so bad. I was eating with abandon once again, not paying any attention to serving sizes or the amount of calories I was mindlessly consuming.

I was dealing with a lot of work related stress and change, in addition to worries about money, the future, everything and I was eating my feelings. Most of the stuff that was really stressing me out has been resolved and I am happier and optimistic now. Problem solved, right? Wrong.

I'm most upset with myself because I was consciously doing it most of the time and just didn't care. That's how I became my big, lazy, unhealthy self in the first place and it's what I have been working so hard to move away from. So why did I do it? Momentary weakness? Self sabotage? I only know that I am regaining today the motivation and self control that I started this process with. I also now have the realization that I may never fully overcome emotional eating, and if I do it will not happen in the span of 3 1/2 months.

I want to lose weight. I want to get healthy. The only thing stopping me is me and I won't let that happen anymore.

I CAN lose weight, I will lose weight, and I WILL become the healthier person that I want to be.


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