Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Would you like some tea with that sugar?

Now, I'm not from the south, but I like my iced tea sweet.  Not sweet tea sweet, but I definitely put a pack (or 2 or 3) of sugar in each glass.  I then moved on to Splenda, not so much for the reduction of calories, but because it mixed in easier.  Hot tea, on the other hand, I can drink plain, no sugar necessary.  Why is that?  That's the question I finally asked myself on Monday night when I decided to not sweeten my iced tea.  It was just fine!  Sure, I still like it sweetened, but that can be a once in a while thing when I really want something sweet, not every time and every glass.  I know there are people out there who think Splenda and other no-calorie sweeteners are evil, and although I'm not one of them, I do recognize that putting artificial ingredients into my body isn't the best thing.

Another thing I started trying to do this week is listen to my body more.  While I haven't been able to stop the mental calorie counting, I haven't been tracking it online and I'm trying to eat what I want, when I want, no more, no less.  With tracking online, I would see that I could still eat a certain number of calories left and I'd either eat something to make the 'quota' even though I wasn't really hungry, or I'd worry that I wasn't eating enough.  On other days, if I knew I ate too much I wouldn't track at all because I didn't want to see the numbers staring back at me and the words "you were over your calorie limit for the day."  I like tracking and I think it's very important to be conscious of what you're eating and how that fits in with your goals, but I think I'm ready to try doing it on my own.  I've done pretty well so far, I think.  Last night I mentally approximated everything and had a few hundred calories left over, but I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat anything.  I hope this keeps working for me, although I definitely still look up nutritional info before I go somewhere new or eat something that isn't labeled because I feel the need to still have an idea, and I do mentally still tally things up.

This post is brought to you by Jamba Juice for fueling my morning with their delicious oatmeal after Starbucks' Vivanno smoothie was yucky and I didn't have anything to eat breakfast at work.

Monday, September 28, 2009


This past week I've done well with both exercise and nutrition, but I've been feeling a little blah. Don't really know what that's about, but I'm keeping with it and I'm sure my funk will resolve shortly.

Today is my day off of work and I've been sitting on my butt for way too much already today. I almost like days that I work because I always make sure to exercise beforehand and if not I always push myself to move more during the day and then exercise when I get home. On my off days I don't really have any structure and I don't think I move around as much. I like that I can do longer, different, more fun exercise sessions, but I usually stall all morning instead of doing it first thing which would energize me. Must work on that! I'm not sure what the plan is for today, I was thinking about taking the dog for a hike but its still pretty hot here and part of me wants to just stay inside where it is a lot cooler.

My ticker shows a 40lb loss right now which is amazing! It has me thinking a lot lately though because I don't feel like I weigh 40lbs less, or I should say that I don't feel like I ever weighed 40lbs more. I feel really good but I think most of that comes from the increase in exercise vs the weight loss. It seems overwhelming that I have 25 lbs left to lose, but I've broken it down into smaller sections in my head. All I'm concentrating on is the first 5lbs because once I cross that line I'll start having less than 20lbs to go. That seems a lot more reasonable to me. Last week the scale bumped up after my not so awesome few days of eating crap and when it didn't bounce right back I freaked out a little bit. Once the numbers went back to normal I breathed a sigh of relief but then caught myself. This isn't a race. I don't have a date in mind that I want to lose the weight by and I need to realize that the closer I get to my goal the longer it will take for those last pounds to come off. I need to relaaaaax and focus on my overall health and the weight loss will come with it. I'm writing that down so I don't forget!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Me - 1, Movie Theater - 0

Yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary! We went to a cute little coastal town and cashed in a gift certificate we had for a semi fancy Italian restaurant and I didn't count calories. I probably ate way too much carbs, but I decided not to worry about it, but to also not go overboard. I was really full, but not stuffed to the brim and I don't fell like I went overboard at all. We drove home afterward and contemplated going to a movie. By the time we got home and picked a movie time it had been a good 5 1/2 hours since lunch. That will tell you how filling the meal was!

So, I know that going to the movies is a big overeating trigger for me. I know this, and as much as I try to avoid that nagging feeling as I walk into a movie theater that I need to buy/eat something, I usually give in. Even if I just ate dinner, which is totally ridiculous.

Yesterday, I decided, was a different day. No slacking off because I'm celebrating. No overeating because it's a special day. No way, jose.

With an hour to go before the movie I decided to exercise! My husband might have given me the side eye for that one, but I did some strength training and about 20 min of cardio. It felt great!

As I got dressed and ready to go (red face and all), I thought about how I'd feel once I got to the theater. Why do I have the need to eat something while watching a movie? I know it's a bad habit, but the second the previews start I have the urge to stuff my face. I know I can get through two hours without eating, it's not mission impossible. I figured I would have the craving once we got to the theater even though I still wasn't hungry, so I took some time and grabbed a yogurt, some grapes, and, don't kill me, the very last bit of licorice in that massive bag. I also filled up my water bottle so that soda wouldn't be my only option if I was thirty. I ended up making us a few minutes late with all of this advance planning, but we still made the beginning of the movie. It worked! I think just having healthy snacks with me cut down on the urge to head to the snack bar, but I didn't even eat them. I listened to my body and I still wasn't hungry. I drank my whole bottle of water, so I must have been really thirsty, but man am I proud of myself. I will definitely do this again, so that if I do get hungry I can reach for something that won't kill me and not give in to the snacky craving. I just need to plan a bit more in advance so that we can see all of the previews!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


So...I post all about motivation and then totally abandon the blog for 4 days.

I was a little discouraged because I went a little crazy at the drive-in the night before that post (finishing off the rest of that giant bag of licorice) and then even after I jumped back on the healthy train the scale stayed put at a higher #. Usually if I have a bad day/night the next morning the scale is up but then it goes back to normal the second day. Not this time. It really discouraged me, and I got to thinking about how much I rely on the scale. Now it is back to normal as I've been back on track for 4 days, but maybe weighing myself every morning isn't the best. I can't seem to not though. When I was on vacation I didn't weigh myself for almost two weeks and I wasn't freaking out, and I've contemplated doing the once a week thing, but honestly, I like seeing the numbers every morning. I like seeing that when I eat well, drink lots of water and get some exercise the number goes down. When I'm lazy or eat crap the number stays the same or bumps up temporarily. I think it helps keep me on track every day in a way. Maybe I'll try out once a week and see how it goes, because I know everyone is against daily weighing.

Speaking of the scale, I'm almost to the "normal" BMI range, which I know is a BS way to judge health but it's an important milestone, at least in the eyes of Kaiser. It will be so nice to not get a little note at the bottom of any medical printouts that mention that I'm overweight and therefor at serious risk for everything under the sun. The only problem is that I've always said I'm a certain height and now I'm thinking I may be closer to an inch shorter from the last time the Dr. measured me. I'm so uncool, but if I can find a ruler or tape measure I might have my husband check for me. An inch is a big difference in the magical BMI scale, ya know.

In non-weight news, I have been upping my daily exercise and it feels great! In the past few days I have come upon a lot of situations where I am given the opportunity to sit and read a magazine and wait for 20-30 minutes. What have I been doing? Walking instead! Setting an alarm and just walking around and exploring instead of sitting on my butt. I know that it is little changes like this that will help with long term weight maintenance and I'm enjoying it so far. Sure, sometimes I just want to sit on my butt but I do enough of that at night when I'm watching t.v. with my husband. I need to move more and I might as well do it when I have nothing else to do for 20 minutes. Also, I've started watching SparkPeople fitness videos again for cardio/strength training when it has been too hot to exercise outside. My running hasn't really been happening this week. I just can't do it in the heat, so I've been sticking to inside stuff for now.

Friday, September 18, 2009


What motivates you? That was the question Annabel at Feed Me I'm Cranky asked last week. You can read the answers here, here, and here, including mine:

"I have a lot motivating me, but I’d say my #1 motivation is…me! I decided to start getting fit and healthy for myself and I love how much better I feel and how much more energy I have. That’s what really keeps me going, although my dog and being a good role model for my future kids motivates me as well!"

"Me"...does that sound weird? I thought about it a lot, and it's true. I decided to start this journey for no one other than myself. Sure, I was thinking about the family reunion in June where I'd most likely be persuaded into a bathing suit, but last July I went to Mexico for a reunion of sorts and was on a beach in my suit for a week and I didn't even attempt to get fit for that. I did it for me, I wanted to feel better and feel better about myself and I'm the one pushing myself every day, stopping myself when I want to chow down on crap (most days), deciding to go work out on lunch instead of sitting and reading for an hour.

I love my husband, I love him so much and I love that he has never made one comment about my weight. I met him when we were both a lot thinner and when I look at him I don't see him as any bigger than the day we met. Maybe that's what he thinks about me? Maybe he's just really nice? Thankfully he's honest enough to tell me the truth when I ask him if something isn't super flattering or if the pockets on a pair of jeans I like make my butt look enormous. I love him for that, and so I want to believe answer #1, that he sees me the same as when we met. Anyway, he never made me feel any less attractive as I gained the love pounds, the moving in together pounds, the engagement pounds, or the newlywed pounds. As much as I love him for that, it wasn't much of a motivator to get up and lose the weight I needed to lose.

I actually didn't feel bad about my weight 90% of the time. I felt loved and happy and confident, and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see myself as fat, overweight, obese. I got sick and tired of feeling winded though, of only having a few shirts I'd feel comfortable wearing, of feeling cute and confident but then seeing a photo of myself and realizing I'm so much bigger than what I see in the mirror. I went to the doctor for a checkup and got a talk about needing to lose weight, especially from my thighs. I tried to get a prescription refill for an inhaler and the doctor insisted I was just out of shape, that I didn't have exercise induced asthma. I was outraged, but I didn't make any changes for a while. I think it all built up and I finally reached my breaking point.

My dog keeps me going now too because he's become my exercise partner and he's gotten used to more walks and more exercise. I can't let him down!

My future kids - not even really on the horizon yet, but I want to set a good example. I want to be a fit mom and I want to lead them by example. I want us to have move around and get fun exercise and eat healthy because it is delicious and good for us, not because mommy want to lose weight. I don't want weight to be an issue. I want to teach my kids positive body image and to love themselves. I want my kids to thrive. One of my goals is to be at my goal weight and be able to maintain that for a while before we try to have kids. I want exercise to be a solid part of my daily routine so that I can have a fit, healthy pregnancy and hopefully bounce back faster.

I feel so motivated now just by writing this! I feel so, so, SO much better since I have started this journey and that is the #1 think motivating me right now. Looks aside, I feel like a totally different person. I feel like I can bike 6 miles (like we did on that family reunion) or hike for three hours, or RUN! I can't wait to see where this journey continues to take me, but I know that it will just keep getting better and better.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Jumped off the wagon

I didn't just fall off the wagon last night, I jumped off. It was bad.

I was hungry all day and even though I drank tons of water and ate when I was hungry (healthy snacks with protein and fiber) I was still hungry afterwards. I kept thinking I was bored and I didn't really feel stressed, so I figured it couldn't be emotional hunger.

My husband came home and suggested we head to Chevy's. Now, I know Chevy's is a weakness for me, with the endless chips/salsa, the delicious margaritas, the build your own shrimp fajitas. We used to go there a lot over the past few years until we realized how much $ we were spending on eating out, and what it was doing to our waistlines. It sounded delicious though and I've never left there feeling hungry so I knew it would solve my endless tummy problem.

We get there and I go right for the chips. I let myself, I didn't even try to hold myself back. I order water, but then notice that they have my favorite mango margaritas as their seasonal special so we get one of those to split. I get the shrimp fajita like the good old days and savor every bite. It was goooooood. Calories counting has been out the window from the first salty warm chip. I didn't finish everything on my plate because I felt stuffed. I haven't felt stuffed like that in a long time and really it's not a great feeling at all, although I liked not feeling hungry anymore.

Did I stop there? You'd think, but you'd be wrong.

We had to stop into Target and the candy section pulled me over. Can we get licorice, I asked my husband, part of me hoping he'd say no. They only had a giant bag and he tried to convince me that maybe I wanted to get the tiny bag of red swedish fish instead. No way, I could taste the red vines already, there was no stopping me now. I ripped into the bag in the car and ate away, even though I was full. Now, I recognized that I was emotionally eating, but it didn't stop me. I had some more licorice once we got home and finally put the bag away.

Then it hit, the feeling of being so upset with myself for giving in to emotional eating. Looking back and realizing I have been dealing with it all day and I totally gave in at dinner and with my licorice frenzy. My tummy hurt, I was mad at myself, I was not fun to be around. Why do I do this? It is so frusterating and I feel like I'm sabotaging myself. I am sabotaging myself. I have been so good with not giving in to emotional eating, and I've come so far, but this is not going to help me at all. I keep thinking that I'm under a lot of stress and in the next few months everything will clear up and this will be a lot easier, but I know that this is something I need to overcome for good. I think I'll head to the library to pick up some books on emotional eating so I can work toward kicking this thing to the curb for good.

Today is a new day, I got in a walk with the dog this morning and I did C25K week 2 (most of it at least) and ran up and down some bleachers a few times. I feel good, I just wish every day could be like this, and days like yesterday wouldn't exist. I worry that I feel so much better today because of what happened yesterday, because I got out all of my frustrations and got mad at myself. I don't want to have to go through a big emotional eating blowout every time to feel cleansed and ready for a fresh start. This is definitely something I still need to work on.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Time for some froyo!

So, I have a slight obsession with the new Froyo craze. It's basically what I want for lunch every day and I'd say I have it about once a week. I used to work right next to a Pinkberry so that was my place of choice, but now I've branched out to other places in the area. My current favorite froyo joint is near my work and is a tiny little place called Frutti. Why they're my favorite? I almost always get plain tart yogurt with fruit, usually mango and strawberries, and when I ordered mango here the woman behind the counter realized they were getting low said "I'll go cut up a fresh mango for you" and she did! It was SO delicious and I have yet to have toppings that good since. The actual yogurt was creamy and amazing too.

Today as I was driving around I got that feeling in my tummy, that "I need something to eat and that something is froyo" feeling and of course there are froyo places on every corner so it wasn't hard to satisfy my craving. I'll just get a little, I said to myself as I entered. Once I started using the self serve machines I shifted my thinking and decided this could be part of my dinner. I went all out with original tart, taro, lychee, and green tea yogurt flavors and added strawberries, kiwi, mochi, and red beans. As I walked out I had a mountain of froyo and boy was I excited.
It was not good, at all :( None of the flavors were spectacular and half weren't even edible really. The strawberries and kiwi were good, so I ate that, and the beans and mochi tasted really stale. There is still more than half of it left and the cup is now in the freezer because I didn't want to waste it. Maybe my husband will eat it?

So far I've visited Pinkberry, Frutti, Penguin, Yogurtland, Blush, Froyo?, Fraiche, and now Yogurt Twist which is the only one I wouldn't go back to and unfortunately (or fortunately!) the closest one to my house.

The one thing that bothers me about the froyo thing is that every time I visit a froyo store they are touting it as a miracle food. Helps weight loss/management! Boosts metabolism! Regulates your body! Probiotics! What they're not talking about is the calories or sugar content, or that there is a huge difference between the original tart yogurt and the cookies & cream soft serve nutritionally. I always look up nutritional info online before I go to a new froyo place, or I ask when I get there because it can really add up. I'm fine eating a lot of froyo, but I have to know if its a snack or most of my meal. There were two families there when I went this afternoon and in both the kids were topping their froyo with gummi worms, chocolate sauce, cookie crumbles, and I really hope the parents aren't thinking its a healthy snack just because it says so all over the walls.

My husband actually makes froyo from scratch at home, and it is delicious, but it doesn't have the same smooth consistency. Maybe I'll have to work with him to perfect the recipe, it'll save me some $ and dissapointment!

Gosh, I love froyo.

I'm going mad, mad about pumpkin!

I made a comment to my husband yesterday about realizing I'm going to to gain all of the weight back this fall. My reason: Pumpkin! Pumpkin pie and bars, pumpkin muffins and bread, pumpkin smoothies and lattes!

I love pumpkin and I love fall, and as I see the slow introduction to pumpkin mania starting I am getting excited, although a little hesitant. I know I can hold myself back and not eat every pumpkin flavored thing in sight but do I want to? Of course I want to, I want to continue losing weight and getting healthier, but I also want to stuff my face with pumpkin bread as I consume a pumpkin spice latte (non fat, no whip, of course haha).

So there's my dilemma, and I think the only solution I can come up with is that I'm going to have to improvise at home and make healthier versions of the pumpkin goodness I love. With this solution comes another dilemma though - now, instead of having one slice of pumpkin bread available I will have a loaf. This will be a big test in self control!

So, here are the recipes that I've found so far to make, most of them from GreenLiteBites, an awesome, healthy recipe blog by the wonderful Roni of Roni's Weigh (such a great blog if you haven't checked it out before):

I'm really not a cook, but I do like to bake so once the weather cools down just a little bit more I'll start trying these out and post back with how it goes!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Feelin' Groovy

I got my hair cut today and I feel fantastic! It's not even that different, just a trim (trying to grow it out) and some layers added around my face, but it definitely put a bounce in my step. I need to remember to pamper myself more often, whether it be taking the time to paint my nails, getting a trim or putting together outfit I feel great in. It really gave me a boost, and it's nice to take some me time.

Speaking of feeling good, I need to get more jeans. Since I started losing weight I've given myself a $10 limit for jean purchases because they tend to start getting baggy and I start feeling frumpy. I don't want them to be super tight, but when they're baggy in all the wrong places after a while I start feeling, hate to say it, fat. I hate feeling that way and generally I have pretty good self confidence, even when I weighed 40lbs more, but that always signals that it's time to get some new pants. I've been going to Goodwill and finding cute jeans in great condition but when I went today I didn't find anything :( I'm going to head to another nearby one tomorrow but if I don't find anything I may break my "budget" and head to Target or something. I plan on splurging on some really great, super amazingly flattering jeans and dropping the cash once I reach my goal weight but it doesn't make any sense to me to keep spending $$$ on something I'll outgrow in a month or so.

We went to Costco tonight and stocked up on lots of delicious, healthy goodies. I love going grocery shopping, it always gets me psyched for the week but sometimes I get overwhelmed with all of the choices I suddenly have!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ugh, what a failure

I know I'm not a failure, I know, I know, but calorie wise this day is a total failure and its only 2pm.

How did I let this happen, you ask?

It all started off this morning when I drove 30 miles north before work to help my dad with a project. Afterward I went to my favorite little smoothie joint for breakfast. Calories listed on the wall, score! I made my decision, the 320 cal fruit filled beauty known as the Very-Berry. I debated the bars and breakfast sandwiches and at the last moment added on a scoop of protein powder because I had doubts that the smoothie would keep me full through my morning meetings and into lunch time. I tried to guess how much protein powder would add... 50 cal? 70? I had no idea so I asked and they said they buy the powder at Costco and dump it in a container so they don't have the bag with the nutritional info. Fine, I said, it can't be that bad for me. I mean, it's protein. Protein is always good, right?

I had some time to kill before driving back to work so I walked around the cute downtown area. Go me, getting in some extra exercise! As I walked I past not one, not two, but three donut shops. I don't eat donuts, except for the very rare occasion when I am absolutely craving them (always comes out of nowhere, like today). I love carbs, I love bread, but I don't really love donuts. Today I wanted donuts. My mouth was nearly watering as I peeked in and then kept walking, each donut store creating a bigger pull. Miraculously, I resisted! I got in the car, still enjoying my smoothie, and I felt confident and proud.

Until I got to my meeting. Donuts in a box may have lured me, had there been any. No, my very favorite coworker sat down next to me with an unmarked white bag. "I brought you something," she said with a smile as she pulled the largest donut I've ever seen out. A s'mores donut, no less, topped with marshmallow fluff, graham crackers, and a drizzle of chocolate. I ate it. I didn't shove it down my throat but over the course of the two hour meeting it dissapeared and I am to blame. It was absolutely amazingly delicious and will satisfy my donut craving until next year but here it sits, still in my stomach hours later, my body confused about what to do with so much sugar. That thing probably contained more sugar than I eat in a week. I can tell you this, as much as I enjoyed it in the moment I am not the picture of alertness right now, I am definitely in some sort of food/sugar coma.

So, I look up protein powder - 150 cal/scoop! That brings my smoothie to almost 500 cal, holy moly! I tried to look up nutritional info for the donut shop online, but no dice. I called them (how lame am I?) and the owner will be getting back to me with the nutritional info. So now, I wait, but I'm pretty darn sure that I'm at or over my cals for the day. I looked up Krispie Kreme and found their info, but I really think that this monstrosity was twice the size of one of theirs and piled with way more stuff on top. Ugh.

I'm not falling into one of my old habits though, a habit that I've heard many people have - just because I messed up the beginning of my day does not give me license to give up on the rest of the day. I can't just pig out because "it doesn't matter anyway" or "I'm already over my calories, what does it matter what I eat now?" I'm not hungry for lunch yet (how could I be? I have a pound of donut sitting in my belly!) but when I am I will eat a smaller, healthy lunch with a lot of veggies. When I get home I'll work out, and then have a nice, healthy dinner... and maybe work out some more, haha :)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Titling this post made me reminisce about Brad Paisley...

I am medicine and I am poison
I can help you up or make you fall
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me

Since I began my weight loss/health journey I have cut way back on my alcohol consumption. That's not to say I drank like a fish before, but I drank socially and had the occasional glass of wine after work with dinner. Once I became more conscious of everything I was putting in my body I realized that alcohol is really just empty calories that I don't need, and I haven't had anything to drink in a while.

Two nights ago, we decided to make a delicious salad and have light brie and artichoke/parmesan dip with the most amazing french bread. Wine seemed like the perfect accompaniment so I had a glass of Riesling with dinner. It was weird not having only water with dinner! After dinner my husband came up with the brilliant idea to make vodka slushies out of Trader Joe's pink lemonade and after trying a sip of his I had one of my own.

Bad idea, no bueno. Sure, it tasted good as I was drinking it, all sugary and with no actual taste of alcohol, but I went to bed with both my head and stomach hating me. The next morning, I still had that icky feeling. Not a hangover, but my body being utterly pissed at me. No more alcohol for me, I declared! My husband tried to reason that the large amounts of bread and cheese we consummed probably were part of the problem but I would never, ever scorn freshly baked amazing bread and creamy brie like that (even though deep down I knew he had to be at least a little right). I'm sure if I stuck with the glass of Riesling and a little less bread/cheese I would have been fine, but that drink just pushed me over the edge.

I couldn't help but think of how my body must have changed over these last few months, and even though I'm a wee bit bummed that the nights of late night partying may now be long gone, feeling great when I wake up in the morning is well worth it.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Well that was humbling...

I finally moved into week 2 of C25K! I can definitely feel the difference between running 60 and 90 seconds, and it's not as fun right now but I know once I get used to it I'll like it as much as week 1. I'm hoping, at least!

Since I didn't get on the exercise bike last night (Rags was feeling a little under the weather, most likely due to stress from his adventure, and I just wanted to be lazy with him) I decided I'd take advantage of my hour lunch break today by getting some exercise in. The hour lunch break is one of the many perks with my new job and I need to utilize the time. It's not like it takes an hour to eat lunch and if I don't watch out I may end up shopping for an hour like I did last week.

The only problem = red face. I get really, really flushed when I exercise and now as I sit at my desk I look like a tomato. Not cute. Any solutions? I need to figure something out, but I'm thinking there might not be a cure.

About two long blocks away from where I work is a high school with a gorgeous new track and I couldn't wait to try it out. I've never actually run on a track before that I can recall, so this was all new. Even with the lack of shade there was a nice breeze and I was confident and ready to go. 5 minute warm up done, I got two intervals in when I hear a stampede of adolescents behind me. Apparently P.E. starts at 1:30 and running the track was on today's agenda. Not wanting to get in their way but also not done with my exercise I got off the track and headed to the bleachers to run up and down for a while. While on the bleachers I couldn't help but notice how fast they were running. Even the kids who didn't dress for P.E. and had to run in jeans and chucks were running faster that I had and they made it look effortless! I know it's not a competition, but man, I wish I could run like that.