Friday, September 18, 2009


What motivates you? That was the question Annabel at Feed Me I'm Cranky asked last week. You can read the answers here, here, and here, including mine:

"I have a lot motivating me, but I’d say my #1 motivation is…me! I decided to start getting fit and healthy for myself and I love how much better I feel and how much more energy I have. That’s what really keeps me going, although my dog and being a good role model for my future kids motivates me as well!"

"Me"...does that sound weird? I thought about it a lot, and it's true. I decided to start this journey for no one other than myself. Sure, I was thinking about the family reunion in June where I'd most likely be persuaded into a bathing suit, but last July I went to Mexico for a reunion of sorts and was on a beach in my suit for a week and I didn't even attempt to get fit for that. I did it for me, I wanted to feel better and feel better about myself and I'm the one pushing myself every day, stopping myself when I want to chow down on crap (most days), deciding to go work out on lunch instead of sitting and reading for an hour.

I love my husband, I love him so much and I love that he has never made one comment about my weight. I met him when we were both a lot thinner and when I look at him I don't see him as any bigger than the day we met. Maybe that's what he thinks about me? Maybe he's just really nice? Thankfully he's honest enough to tell me the truth when I ask him if something isn't super flattering or if the pockets on a pair of jeans I like make my butt look enormous. I love him for that, and so I want to believe answer #1, that he sees me the same as when we met. Anyway, he never made me feel any less attractive as I gained the love pounds, the moving in together pounds, the engagement pounds, or the newlywed pounds. As much as I love him for that, it wasn't much of a motivator to get up and lose the weight I needed to lose.

I actually didn't feel bad about my weight 90% of the time. I felt loved and happy and confident, and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see myself as fat, overweight, obese. I got sick and tired of feeling winded though, of only having a few shirts I'd feel comfortable wearing, of feeling cute and confident but then seeing a photo of myself and realizing I'm so much bigger than what I see in the mirror. I went to the doctor for a checkup and got a talk about needing to lose weight, especially from my thighs. I tried to get a prescription refill for an inhaler and the doctor insisted I was just out of shape, that I didn't have exercise induced asthma. I was outraged, but I didn't make any changes for a while. I think it all built up and I finally reached my breaking point.

My dog keeps me going now too because he's become my exercise partner and he's gotten used to more walks and more exercise. I can't let him down!

My future kids - not even really on the horizon yet, but I want to set a good example. I want to be a fit mom and I want to lead them by example. I want us to have move around and get fun exercise and eat healthy because it is delicious and good for us, not because mommy want to lose weight. I don't want weight to be an issue. I want to teach my kids positive body image and to love themselves. I want my kids to thrive. One of my goals is to be at my goal weight and be able to maintain that for a while before we try to have kids. I want exercise to be a solid part of my daily routine so that I can have a fit, healthy pregnancy and hopefully bounce back faster.

I feel so motivated now just by writing this! I feel so, so, SO much better since I have started this journey and that is the #1 think motivating me right now. Looks aside, I feel like a totally different person. I feel like I can bike 6 miles (like we did on that family reunion) or hike for three hours, or RUN! I can't wait to see where this journey continues to take me, but I know that it will just keep getting better and better.